In the Waiting...

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

As I was driving to Bible Study on Saturday I felt the Lord speak to me in a still small voice. What I heard was this, "Laura, I know how you respond in suffering and I know how you respond in joy, but how do you respond in waiting?" Ouch! Not sure why He had to hit me with that one before 9 am, but dag-gone if He didn't! Needless to say, since that moment I have pondered that question. Quite honestly, I am a bit ashamed of what He's revealed.

Currently, I am in the midst of waiting for quite a few things. Things that I REALLY, REALLY want to happen TODAY! Interestingly enough, they are all in, what feels like, silent or stop mode. As much as I hate to say it, I have to admit that there have been moments that I have wavered in my faith- ugh! I haven't wavered in the way that I don't know, at my core, that God will provide in His way and in His time, but more in my faithfulness of standing firm on the promise that He's got the master plan figured out and will reveal it in His time and in His way. I have felt like He suddenly decided to take a vacation and left me here to dangle in the midst of unknown circumstances.

Part of the reason I have been so ashamed of myself is because I'm so quick to remind others that in the waiting we are to press into our faith and stand firm on the promises that God gives us, knowing that He always has our best in mind. (Not too sure why I am so confident in claiming that promise for others, but quick to think it doesn't apply to me.) Far too often, I think I know what is best for me so I decide to step ahead of God and take things into my own hands. Yeah, not such a great idea...

About a year ago, I was in the midst of a different situation where God called me to wait. After listening to me whine and belly ache about my circumstances, a friend of mine began asking me the following questions "What's keeping you from waiting? Are you afraid of being lonely? Do you think that you know better than God what is best for you in this situation? Are you afraid that you are missing out on something?" To each of those I thought, "YES! All of the above!" Luckily, that was just my initial reaction and not my true response. While I responded that in a sense all of those were fears of mine, I was gently reminded that God knows best. He reserves His best for me, if I am willing to wait on His timing.

One of the many things that I love about my God is how He provides messages that I need at just the time I need them. On Sunday, our Youth Pastor shared an experience with his 4 year old daughter that I loved and it tied in so beautifully to my current circumstances. He shared the story of taking his family on a trip to Kiawah Island. Neither of his girls had ever seen the beach, so he was looking forward to seeing their initial responses. The house that they were staying in was about 3 blocks off of the beach so they had a little jaunt to get there. Along the way, they passed a body of water and suddenly, his daughter cried out, "Daddy, Daddy, look at the water! Can I swim Daddy? Can I swim?" Based on the "don't feed the alligators" sign he deducted that the body of water was a swamp so he lovingly shared with her that they were actually going somewhere MUCH better! Initially, she didn't understand but soon enough they were on the beach and she was thrilled. How often do you and do I want to settle for the swamp when what God has in store for us is the beach, if we are just willing to wait!?!? Bam! God's 2' x 4' in my forehead. I cannot count the number of times that I have settled for that swamp and had I just pressed into my faith and what I know about the character of God, I could have been kicked back in a beach chair instead of fighting the danged alligators!

As I mentioned above, there are a number of things happening in my life where God is calling me to wait. My first instinct is to barrel through and force decisions to be made. Luckily, God doesn't have to use His 2' x 4' to make me listen or slow down as often as He used to. So, in the moments that I begin to panic, thinking that He's forgotten me, or thinking that if I just "tweak" or manipulate the situation a little that His answer will come more quickly or create the answers that I want RIGHT NOW, I remember that it is in the waiting that I often learn the most about His character.

Waiting is such a difficult thing, especially in our society of instant gratification. Often, when we wait people consider us to be lazy or aloof - our society has made us feel like we are to be "do-ing" How irresponsible of us to act before hearing from the Lord, thinking that we can handle what ultimately will be decided by Him in His time and because of His perfect desires for our lives.

As I mentioned in the opening of this entry the Lord said to me, "I know how you respond in suffering." I've got the suffering thing down - it's God & it's me and I can testify that it is only the Lord who got me through my darkest days -- He used many friends and family as His vessels, but ultimately it was He and I in the deepest valleys.
"I know how you respond in joy." Anyone who knows me knows that any joy I have in my life comes from the Lord. I give Him the glory. Without Him, I have nothing. I am nothing.
"But how do you respond in the waiting?" Hmmm... this is where I continue to be a work in progress... Today, I am choosing to stand on His promises and KNOW that He has the plan all figured out. It is difficult at moments in the day, but if I claim to believe God, then I have no choice but to stand firm and trust in His provisions for me - that means no manipulating, no moving ahead or side-stepping. It means standing still and waiting, believing, knowing and trusting in the One who calls me His. It means yearning to know God's heart, so that He can provide my heart's desires. It means asking Him to smash any plans that I have for my life, in order to follow His. It means believing in Him in the waiting.