Beauty in the Desert

Hosea 2:14 "...I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her."

I mentioned yesterday that I've felt like I'm in the desert. When I think of the desert I think of brown, dry, prickly, nothingness - and then I read a verse like the one above.

Perhaps God leads us to the desert because He loves us enough to find a silent place. A place that when He speaks will go directly to our hearts because there is nothing else around to distract us. Perhaps, too, that is why we often don't volunteer to go to the desert. Silence is uncomfortable. In the silence we are often taken back to places that we may not want to revisit, or we are able to be still long enough to recognize things about ourselves or our lives that we really don't want to see.

In a world where we can fill our lives with "noise" - cell phones, email, email on cell phones, texting, iPods, tv, etc.- we must make a choice to be silent.

Psalm 4:4 ..."search your hearts and be silent."

I read the blog of the sweet friend whom I told I was in the desert last week and she gave me such a new perspective on what the desert can look like, if we allow it.

Desert redefined by an awesome Godchick: 1) vast land with that grows that bread of life; an area filled with the living water 2) a wild and exciting area full of opportunities to gain knowledge and grow closer with our Father in Heaven 3) an intimate and pleasant area (thanks, allie!)

What tremendous encouragement I received from that! I can't say that I embraced it the day that I read it, but as I have spent time with God both in prayer and in His word, He has tenderly spoken and reminded me of what He can do in the desert.

If you find yourself being led into the desert today, I pray that these verses will encourage you and allow you to embrace what God can do with what we often consider a dry wasteland.

Isaiah 41:18-20 ..."I will turn the desert into pools of water and the parched ground into springs. I will put in the desert the cedar and the acacia, the myrtle and the olive. I will set pines in the wasteland, the fir and the cypress together, so that people may see and know, may consider and understand that the hand of the Lord has done this, that the Holy One of Israel has created it."

Isaiah 43:19 "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert, streams in the wasteland."

Psalm 78:15 "He split the rocks in the desert and gave them water as abundant as the seas."

Psalm 136:17 "to Him who led His people through the desert, His love endures forever."

When I ponder these verses and read all that God can do in the desert, I can praise Him for bringing me to this place.

If you have not heard the song below, I encourage you to check it out on You Tube. What beautiful lyrics.

Desert Song -

This is my prayer in the desert,
When all that's within me feels dry,
This is my prayer in my hunger and need,
My God is the God who provides,

And this is my prayer in the fire,
In weakness, or trial, or pain,
There is a faith proved more worth than gold,
So refine me Lord through the flame,

I will bring praise,
I will bring praise,
No weapon formed against me shall remain,
I will rejoice, I will declare,
God is my victory and He is here,

This is my prayer in the battle,
When triumph is still on its way,
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ,
So firm on his promise I'll stand,

All of my life, in every season,
You are still God,
I have a reason to sing,
I have a reason to worship,

And this is my prayer in the harvest,
When favour and providence flow,
I know I'm filled to be emptied again,
The seed I receive I will sow

Broken

Psalm 51:17 "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart. O, God, you will not despise."

"Lord, today I bring to you my broken spirit and my broken heart. For some time now, I've chosen to insert you where I thought you were needed but for the most part have tried to prove that I can do it all by myself. I am tired. I am weary and I cannot do anymore on my own. Help me."

How many of you, like me, could make that your prayer today?

As I unpack that prayer, I realize that it is not until I give Him my brokenness that He has anything to work with. It is extremely difficult to work with someone or assist someone who thinks that it is their job to "make it happen." That is the person that I have been for months now. I've lived by the motto -- "If it is to be, it's up to me." What a joke. I haven't spoken that with words, but my actions have proven that I've edged God out in my self-sufficiency. Self-sufficiency doesn't work! It may have the illusion of working on the outside, but I've found that inside I have become dry and crusty. Self-sufficiency hasn't made me a better mother, better employee, better girlfriend or better friend. It has made me grumpy, critical, overly stressed and empty. I told a friend the other day that I feel like I'm in the desert. I am parched and dehydrated and have felt as though I've been wandering aimlessly trying to find the "perfect solution." The crazy thing is, I've still gotten up and had my quiet time with the Lord. As I reflect on it, though, I've realized that I spent a little bit of time asking God to help me, but not believing that He could or would, then asking Him to get on board with my agenda of how to make things better at work, be less stressed, have more patience, etc.

God does not want us to live this way! That is why He tells us in Matthew 11 verse 28 "Come to Me all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." What I struggle with is why I do not do that the minute I am burdened -- I wait until I am so weary that I must crawl to Him, completely parched. Thank goodness, He gently whispers to me that no matter how I come to Him, He is, and always has been, there. He is waiting with open arms to welcome me back with no rebuke, only love.

Isaiah 40:11 "He tends his flock like a shepherd; He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart; He gently leads those that have young."

Today, I am learning that in order to do the one simple thing that He asks, that I must have the confidence that He is who He says He is and will do everything that He has promised He will do. By having faith in my Father, my Shepherd, my Savior not only will I be able to rest, but I can live in the freedom of the life that He has chosen for me.

Defined by Love

For years I allowed my life to be defined by my "love" relationships. I lost a lot of myself by doing that and realized that it wasn't such a healthy choice but today, I absolutely want ALL of my life to be defined by my greatest Love relationship - my relationship with my Savior, Jesus Christ. I have struggled with understanding and accepting His love at times and it's most noticeable when I beat myself up for being a bad mom, a bad friend, being divorced, etc... The Lord, in His tender way whispered to my heart, "Are you willing to allow your life to be defined by your relationship with Me?"

Here is my response:

"Letting go. Let go. I've heard those words echoing in my head since 3 am. What is God calling me to let go of? For weeks, I have been trying to pick and choose what I want to give Him. Keeping the "most important" things for myself. Today, instead of picking and choosing, I am letting go of everything. Everything meaning my friendships, my relationships, my children, my church, MY dreams, my job. EVERYTHING. I am releasing everything to Him to do as HE sees fit - even if it isn't the same plan that I have. I am letting go of my fears and may safety nets. I am choosing to STAND and DWELL in the midst of God's great love for me. I am letting go of MY ideals to make room for His. I'm letting go of MY thoughts of what is best for me to allow HIM to provide HIS best for me. Today I am letting go of MY world and MY life to allow HIM the blank canvas to work on HIS masterpiece; to allow HIM to leave out anything that does not resemble the person that HE calls me to be. It is scary. It is exciting (except that I am addicted to safety) What I am learning is that for my life to be defined by my relationship with Him I must let go of EVERY part of MY life. By holding on to any part of my life or my world allows me only to view ME from MY perspective which is most often riddled with fear and performance anxiety. I am taking my cues from the world and a society that tells me to slow down or wait is to be lazy or irresponsible. (How much more irresponsible is it to step ahead of God?) When I decide to allow my life to be defined by Him - when I let Him write my story, I take cues from the Perfect Author, Teacher, Father and Friend. It's taken me a while to decide if I want to accept the role as the main character in HIS story and close the book on mine because in doing it's requiring complete, unabandoned love, trust and SURRENDER. By allowing my Love relationship with Him to define my life I am free to let go of the rules, fears and anxieties that plagued my earthly "love" relationships and simply bask in the grace and mercy of His great Love for me."

That is a pretty wordy response, but it speaks to the steps that I am taking to know only claim to know His love for me, but to step out in faith and begin to truly accept the unending, undying and unchanging love that He has for me.

I will sing for joy in God, explode in praise from deep in my soul!
He dressed me up in a suit of salvation, he outfitted me in a robe of righteousness,
As a bridegroom who puts on a tuxedo and a bride a jeweled tiara.
For as the earth bursts with spring wildflowers, and as a garden cascades with blossoms, so the Master, God, brings righteousness into full bloom and puts praise on display before the nations. Isaiah 61:10(MSG)

A Season of Unbelief

God is using my children to speak very clearly to me these days. Now it's my job to hear it and obey.

On the way home from school last week, (Hagan's first week of kindergarten) Hagan said, "Mommy, I walk to my class with my friends. There are a lot of friends whose mommies bring them to our class." Ouch! To encourage him (but more to cover my guilt of not being able to) I said to him, "Wow, Hagan! I am so proud of you for being so brave that you can do it all by yourself! You don't even need your mommy to go with you." This is how he responded, "Mommy! I wasn't all by myself. Remember, I had Grandaddy (his favorite angel), God and Jesus with me. How did you forget that mommy?" Hmmm... "Tomorrow I am going to SEND THEM ALL AWAY and do it ALL BY MYSELF." I explained to him quickly why it was not such a great idea to send them away and as I shared that the conviction ran through me like a lightning bolt.

I began to think that evening and had it confirmed in a conversation yesterday that I have been trying to do things all by myself lately. The result? Anxiety, frustration, fear, etc. I have felt disconnected in my relationship with the Lord but brushed it off as being tired or busy. I've continued to spend my quiet time with him each morning and He has been gracious enough to speak to me on many days, but overall it's just been a bit disconnected and I couldn't figure out why.

Yesterday, I had someone whom I've only known for about a month ask me what I'm afraid of. I was a little caught off guard but began to think about the question. He then said to me that based on my actions it appears that I believe what I say about God and all that He can do in my life and the life of others, but that my actions do not show that I have them written on my heart. He asked me if I really believe that God can do all that I say He can do. My initial response was to bow up and argue everything that he has observed but the Holy Spirit wouldn't allow it. Instead, what began to run through my head and in my heart was that I will cling to safety more often than I will cling to God. In the big things that I KNOW I can't handle, I toss them to God because they are out of my control. Bring in a new job, a new house, a new school and new schedule and I decide I'm going to keep a little piece of it myself. What it boils down to is unbelief. Not believing that God is my creator, my sustainer, my strength, my shield, my redeemer, my all and HE controls everything. I control nothing. As long as I choose to continue to live a life that keeps me switching from the passenger's seat to the driver's seat, I will remain in this place of fear and feeling like I have to do everything perfectly so that I will not disappoint my boss, my family, my children, my friends. That is not what God wants for us. He wants us to walk in the freedom of His love and His plan for our lives. HE NEVER FAILS.

He gives us just what we need at the time that we need it. We choose the safety net that best suits us instead of trusting that He provides in whatever is in line with HIS plan for us. I will never be perfect. There will be days that I try to "send Him away and do it ALL BY MYSELF" and I am thankful that each time He welcomes me back with enough love to cover my rebellion and unbelief.

I'll close with one more thing that was shared with me yesterday that has really hit home.

My co-worker said to me, " Laura, I think that you could engineer a plane. You would know every intricate detail of the plane, know everything about the safety mechanics on the plane and be able to tell everyone how great the plane is and how safe the plane is, but I don't know with where you are right now that you would actually get on the plane." As difficult as that was to hear, today I know that that is true. For about the past 8 or 9 weeks I have been in a season of unbelief, knowing in my head that God is in control of all of my circumstances, but not having it written on my heart. Today, I will begin taking the steps towards freedom of not only stepping on that plane, but allowing the God who knows me better than anyone and loves me with an unending and unfailing love, to fly the plane.

"Before I shaped you in the womb, I knew all about you. Before you saw the light of day, I had holy plans for you." Jeremiah 1:5

A Little Bit of Courage

"Haven't I commanded you? Strength! Courage! Don't be timid; don't get discouraged. God, your God, is with you every step you take."Joshua 1:9 (Msg)

Recently I was talking to Hagan, my 5 year old, and asked him how he felt about going to a new school. His response was, "I am exci...well, mommy, I think I'm going to need just a little bit of courage."

How often do you and do I just gloss over the fact that when faced with something new, we are a little fearful? As I have reflected on that conversation over the past few weeks, I've thought about how much courage it took for him to even say that. In today's world we are taught(especially males) to be self-reliant, to push through. We have been taught that to admit that we're scared equals weakness. How much more quickly could those fears be relieved if we would immediately take it to the One who calms our fears. (That doesn't mean that they completely go away - we are human!) The One who knows exactly what we need and provides for us.

Lately I have needed "a little bit of courage." In the midst of a career change, building a house and sending my first child to kindergarten (my fingers still quiver at typing that) I have found myself gliding right through and saying I'm really excited! Don't get me wrong, I am very excited and feel extremely blessed to be the receiver of such amazing gifts from God. Still, I get scared. The enemy has done a great job of keeping me busy so that I hear his voice planting seeds of doubt in my abilities, my finances, and letting my "baby" find his wings. In keeping me so busy I am unable to hear the voice of my Shepherd reminding me to "be strong and courageous because HE is with me every step of the way." I was made aware of this just 2 days ago when I was sharing with my sister my latest "fear." She said to me, "You always need something to worry about, don't you?" Ouch! I didn't enjoy hearing that, but am thankful for her words because it reminded me of who I was listening to. (And it WASN'T my Shepherd)

As I was driving to work this morning, a song by Mark Harris popped into my head:

"Find Your Wings"
It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

(if you have a chance, I would encourage you to check this out on iTunes or Youtube)

In what areas of your life do you need a "little bit of courage?" I know today that I have quite a few and I have finally slowed down enough to allow myself to hear God speak. Don't let the lies of the enemy clip your wings. Stand firm in the love of Jesus, spread your wings and FLY!


"Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am." Phillipians 4:13 (Msg)



"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13(NKJ)

"And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:19(NIV)

Broken Hearts

"He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted" (portion of Isaiah 61:1)

Oh, what we learn from our children! This one will be short and sweet, but I hope that it is as powerful to you as it was to me.

The boys and I were in the car last night and I have no idea what prompted Everett (4) to say to Hagan(5), "Well, I will just get your heart and break it in two!" Hagan responded, "Nope! You can't do that because God, Jesus and the Angels live there and they won't let that happen." "WOW! I thought." Everett then said, "What if I just SQUEEEEEEZE it really, really tightly?" Hagan's response, "You can do that but it won't ever stay broken because if it does God, Jesus and the Angels will put it back together. That is just what they do." Not only was this my second "wow" moment but it prompted me to remember that no matter what breaks our hearts, our freedom comes in remembering that God, Jesus and the Angels can heal those hurt or broken hearts if we allow them to take up residence there. What is breaking or has broken your heart today? Won't you put it in the healing hands of our Lord and allow Him to bind it up?

Have a day full of blessings.

Lessons from a Father's Love

Jesus loves me this I know
For the Bible tells me so
Little ones to Him belong
They are weak but he is strong

Yes, Jesus loves me.
Oh, yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
For the Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me!
He who died
Heaven’s gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.

Yes, Jesus loves me.
Oh, yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
For the Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me
He will stay close beside me all the way
He’s prepared a home for me
And someday his face I’ll see.

Oh, yes, Jesus loves me.
Oh, yes, Jesus loves me.
He loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
For the Bible tells me so.

Never have the words and verses of this song spoken so tenderly to my heart.

Heaven received a precious angel on Sunday when Molly Rowlee left this earth after a 6 month battle with cancer to join our Creator. I never had the opportunity to meet Molly in person, but the way that her Dad shared her with many of us gave us a glimpse into the sweet girl that she was.
Buck, her dad, and I went to college together then years later ended up on the same surf shop route across the NC coast in sales, so our paths crossed fairly frequently for a while. I remember when Meg, his wife, was pregnant with Molly.

While I never met her on this earth, the lessons I've learned through Molly's journey over the past 6 months will remain etched in my heart until I meet her face to face in Heaven.

I've learned that our days are numbered and it's not our age that determines the years we live on this earth, so whatever you do, do with all of your heart -- especially if it includes dressing your best Hannah Montana outfit and performing. "Meighan and I smile at the thought that all of them are having to sit down on the couch while Molly - dressed in her best Hannah Montana outfit - performs for them." "Let them praise his name with dancing and make music to him with tambourine and harp. For the LORD takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation." Psalm 149:3-4

I've learned that it doesn't matter what we look like on the outside, it's the love that overflows from our hearts that makes us beautiful. Meg, Molly's mommy, was one of the first to shave her head when she knew that Molly would lose her hair from chemo. "{A friend} just popped over to the house and she shaved Meighan's head. Meighan looks absolutely beautiful, really, and Meg is my hero. Thank you, God, that I have this lady on my team. " "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." I Peter 3:3-5

I've learned that no matter how frustrated I get with my children that to be able to hold them at the end of the day is a precious gift - "I held Molly's hand throughout the night. I was able to sleep beside her, and although I wasn't able to snuggle up to her tightly - because of all of the tubes and wires - I was able to hold her hand and kiss her beautiful face." "Don't you see that children are God's best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior's fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children! " Psalm 127:3-5 (The Msg)

I've learned how important it is to create memories with those we love - "Yesterday morning I needed to surf alone. If you were in the water, then you know that it was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining, the waves were perfect, and I could not control my tears. I was an emotional wreck until I saw the sparkles of light dancing off of the water. Molly was dancing, she was free, and she was shouting, "Good surf, good surfing, daddy!" as she always sang from the beach when I was in the water."

There are so many more things that I could share but then you all would be reading forever! Instead, I will end it with some things that I have known, but was reminded of and know that I need to continue to remember in this blessing called life.

First, we cannot get through this gig called life without community - "Hampton is home, but the wonderful community that has embraced our family extends far beyond the NH seacoast area. Thank you all for everything that you have provided to my family. Meighan and I have been so very appreciative. You have kept us alive, enabled us to find the power to face Molly's struggles, and without all of you playing such a crucial role in our lives we would be lost. Bless you all and Meg and I love you all so much. A simple "thank you" cannot possibly express our gratitude, but Meighan and I are so thankful - so very grateful - for the love that you all continue to shower upon our family." "Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. "Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Second, God always has a plan. Even when we don't see it or understand it He has a plan - "Meighan and I have realized that there had to be a "higher power" drawing us back to NH, and this fact really hit home when Molly was diagnosed with cancer. A few summers ago, Meighan and I were having dinner at 931 and I told Meg that I needed to leave my job and I wanted to move the family back to Hampton. In retrospect, it's obvious to me now why I had to bring the family to Hampton. This community is the only place on earth where Meighan and I could deal with Molly's illness." "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8

Third, Love conquers all and covers all. "The day that you were born was the happiest day in my life. Every father should be blessed with having a daughter and you were a surprise. Mommy and I didn't want the doctor's to tell us whether or not we were having a boy or a girl, and when you arrived into this world and blessed mommy and I...I was crying tears of joy. You were so beautiful. Mommy and I are crying now only because we can't help you get better. I would if I could, sweetie, believe me. I would trade places with you in a flash if that was an option. The only thing that mommy and I can do is pray." "We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19 {Love} always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:7

One of the things that continued to inspire me was that Meg and Buck never gave up hope. Today, they remain hopeful that Molly's death will serve a purpose. I believe that purpose is already being seen. Molly's short life has touched those who have been on this journey with her in ways that others may not touch us in 50 years. The one thing that I have read in the many messages is that walking this journey with the Rowlees has prompted people to be better fathers, mothers, husbands, wives, sons and daughters.

Growing to know and love Molly since February has given me a new perspective on how I view my blessings and I pray that on the days I want to grumble, or the days that my patience are wearing thin (which have been WAY prevalent lately) that she will reach down from the Heavens and remind me of what is important.

This has been lengthy and could go on for days, but I hope that through this lens you will each have a different view of your lives, your families and your loved ones today.

Buck and Meg have had the ability to make us laugh through our tears with their unwillingness to let Molly's battle be anything but an example of how to love and persevere in ways that we think are unimaginable, unless we are faced with it ourselves.

To conclude, I will share one of the last excerpts from Molly's care page. A message from a father to his child. "Have fun baby! Sing! Smile and Have Fun! Daddy loves you!" So often on the days lately that I have sat like a bump on a log in a puddle of self pity, I wonder if my Heavenly Father, who loves me more than I can possibly imagine, is saying this to me.

Molly's care page site is www.carepages.com/carepages/MollyAnnRowlee. If you have some time, and some kleenex, you should check it out. It will make you smile through your tears....

Something a little different... continued and clarified

As noted in the title, this is the continuation with my ponderings and ramblings to the question I posed.

First, I want to clarify some things in that question. As a recovering co-dependent, it is important to state that when I ask why we don't meet others where they are as Jesus does, I don't mean that we meet them in order to TAKE ON their place and make it our pain. What I mean by that is while we are not to make another's burdens, struggles, sins, brokeness, etc. our own, we can take the time to minister to them there through our own experiences, and the grace that we have received in our lives.

So often, I believe that our unwillingness to meet someone where they are stems from fear or from the expectations that we place on ourselves and others to "fake it till we make it." Worse yet, I find that it's easy to put on our legalistic, religious hats and talk about the rules of why they "shouldn't" be in that place and what they "should" be doing. What in the world would we do if that had been the Jesus who ministered to us? That is not to say that there is not discipline or consequences that come from making choices that put us in difficult positions. It also does not mean that we are not to speak God's truth into their lives. Believe me, I understand and recognize daily consequences that come from divorce. I know that God hates divorce and I know that it is considered a sin. Luckily, because of where Jesus met me and where others were willing to meet me at different stages in that process, holding me accountable and loving me I understand and LIVE IN the grace and mercy that God provides. Understand, I only use divorce because that is something that I know well. For you, it may be something else.

The seed that allowed God to place this on my heart came from a story that I heard on Sunday night during a ROCKIN' and I do mean ROCKIN' worship service at church. I feel God's presence every time I worship at church, but Sunday night it was, at times, overwhelming(more on that in the post that God is still polishing) Anyway, as one of the guest musicians was about to perform, he introduced us to the gentleman accompanying him. This gentleman plays the drums in front of the courthouse and lives on the streets of Raleigh. The reason that he was standing on stage to play Sunday night was because one man looked at him, playing on the street, and saw Jesus in him. He said that when he looked in his face, he saw the face of Jesus. He met him where he was. Now, this same gentleman has the privilege of not only attending church every Sunday but often plays with their worship team. As Stefan described that meeting, he reminded us that we often have to look at others through different lenses. So often, I find that my lenses are clouded with past hurts and pains, preconceived notions and worst of all, self-righteousness. Captain Rob still lives on the streets and still plays drums in front of the courthouse, but he also knows that someone cared enough a few months ago to see him as a child of God. How awesome is that!??!

Since that evening, there has been a situation that has arisen in my life that has made me really think about all of this. When we have the courage to minister to hurting people, right where they are, I have found that we will be judged. That is painful and at times has made me consider abandoning the cause, but then I think about what would have happened to me if Jesus had jumped ship each time He was judged or criticized. I, of course, want to make sure that my meeting someone in that place is truly about ministering and reaching out in God's truth. I want it to be a balance of grace and mercy AND accountability. Most importantly, though, when I meet someone where they are, I want them to see Jesus in me.

So many people in hurting places are judged by those who claim to follow Jesus. Is it fear that causes us to run to the "rules" of religion? Are we too scared to get dirty and teach about truth in love? We as Christ followers have a responsibility to share the truth with those who may be lost whether it be in addiction, immoral relationships, gossip, etc. but just as Jesus met the woman at the well, I believe we have a responsibility to share that truth in love and in a way that someone can hear it in their circumstances.

If you are not familiar with the story of the Samaritan woman at the well, I encourage you to check out
John 4:7-26

Some of you may have a completely different take on this and I would love hear your thoughts.

Many blessings,

Laura

Something a little different

I have been working on a devotion to post for the past few days and it has not yet come together. I know that the Lord will work it out in His time and my commitment in doing this was to never have anything forced or contrived.  So, today this is what the Lord placed on my heart at 1:45 am (after the heart attack of finding my oldest child at the top of the stairs sleeping soundly in his sleeping bag.  He is my "Midnight Wanderer/Sleep Walker")

Anyway, it came to me at the point and stayed on my heart throughout my quiet time this morning.

There are a number of things that have recently transpired and prompted this question and I would love to hear your feedback, if you are comfortable with sharing....

"We are told, and many of us have experienced, that Jesus meets us wherever we are - in brokeness, in sin, in unbelief, etc.  Why is it so difficult for us, as His followers, to do the same for others?"

I have pondered that all morning and I have some thoughts on it but would also love to hear your thoughts... I will post my ramblings a little later today!

Much love and many blessings!

In the Waiting...

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

As I was driving to Bible Study on Saturday I felt the Lord speak to me in a still small voice. What I heard was this, "Laura, I know how you respond in suffering and I know how you respond in joy, but how do you respond in waiting?" Ouch! Not sure why He had to hit me with that one before 9 am, but dag-gone if He didn't! Needless to say, since that moment I have pondered that question. Quite honestly, I am a bit ashamed of what He's revealed.

Currently, I am in the midst of waiting for quite a few things. Things that I REALLY, REALLY want to happen TODAY! Interestingly enough, they are all in, what feels like, silent or stop mode. As much as I hate to say it, I have to admit that there have been moments that I have wavered in my faith- ugh! I haven't wavered in the way that I don't know, at my core, that God will provide in His way and in His time, but more in my faithfulness of standing firm on the promise that He's got the master plan figured out and will reveal it in His time and in His way. I have felt like He suddenly decided to take a vacation and left me here to dangle in the midst of unknown circumstances.

Part of the reason I have been so ashamed of myself is because I'm so quick to remind others that in the waiting we are to press into our faith and stand firm on the promises that God gives us, knowing that He always has our best in mind. (Not too sure why I am so confident in claiming that promise for others, but quick to think it doesn't apply to me.) Far too often, I think I know what is best for me so I decide to step ahead of God and take things into my own hands. Yeah, not such a great idea...

About a year ago, I was in the midst of a different situation where God called me to wait. After listening to me whine and belly ache about my circumstances, a friend of mine began asking me the following questions "What's keeping you from waiting? Are you afraid of being lonely? Do you think that you know better than God what is best for you in this situation? Are you afraid that you are missing out on something?" To each of those I thought, "YES! All of the above!" Luckily, that was just my initial reaction and not my true response. While I responded that in a sense all of those were fears of mine, I was gently reminded that God knows best. He reserves His best for me, if I am willing to wait on His timing.

One of the many things that I love about my God is how He provides messages that I need at just the time I need them. On Sunday, our Youth Pastor shared an experience with his 4 year old daughter that I loved and it tied in so beautifully to my current circumstances. He shared the story of taking his family on a trip to Kiawah Island. Neither of his girls had ever seen the beach, so he was looking forward to seeing their initial responses. The house that they were staying in was about 3 blocks off of the beach so they had a little jaunt to get there. Along the way, they passed a body of water and suddenly, his daughter cried out, "Daddy, Daddy, look at the water! Can I swim Daddy? Can I swim?" Based on the "don't feed the alligators" sign he deducted that the body of water was a swamp so he lovingly shared with her that they were actually going somewhere MUCH better! Initially, she didn't understand but soon enough they were on the beach and she was thrilled. How often do you and do I want to settle for the swamp when what God has in store for us is the beach, if we are just willing to wait!?!? Bam! God's 2' x 4' in my forehead. I cannot count the number of times that I have settled for that swamp and had I just pressed into my faith and what I know about the character of God, I could have been kicked back in a beach chair instead of fighting the danged alligators!

As I mentioned above, there are a number of things happening in my life where God is calling me to wait. My first instinct is to barrel through and force decisions to be made. Luckily, God doesn't have to use His 2' x 4' to make me listen or slow down as often as He used to. So, in the moments that I begin to panic, thinking that He's forgotten me, or thinking that if I just "tweak" or manipulate the situation a little that His answer will come more quickly or create the answers that I want RIGHT NOW, I remember that it is in the waiting that I often learn the most about His character.

Waiting is such a difficult thing, especially in our society of instant gratification. Often, when we wait people consider us to be lazy or aloof - our society has made us feel like we are to be "do-ing" How irresponsible of us to act before hearing from the Lord, thinking that we can handle what ultimately will be decided by Him in His time and because of His perfect desires for our lives.

As I mentioned in the opening of this entry the Lord said to me, "I know how you respond in suffering." I've got the suffering thing down - it's God & it's me and I can testify that it is only the Lord who got me through my darkest days -- He used many friends and family as His vessels, but ultimately it was He and I in the deepest valleys.
"I know how you respond in joy." Anyone who knows me knows that any joy I have in my life comes from the Lord. I give Him the glory. Without Him, I have nothing. I am nothing.
"But how do you respond in the waiting?" Hmmm... this is where I continue to be a work in progress... Today, I am choosing to stand on His promises and KNOW that He has the plan all figured out. It is difficult at moments in the day, but if I claim to believe God, then I have no choice but to stand firm and trust in His provisions for me - that means no manipulating, no moving ahead or side-stepping. It means standing still and waiting, believing, knowing and trusting in the One who calls me His. It means yearning to know God's heart, so that He can provide my heart's desires. It means asking Him to smash any plans that I have for my life, in order to follow His. It means believing in Him in the waiting.

What Do You Know Today?

Matthew 6:34 - "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in you."


"What if I get sick? What if my kids get sick? What if I lose my job, or my house, or my car?" Do you ever find yourself asking these questions? I have, and I do, and what usually happens is that I continue to take that "what if" down a path to a place that is so far from where I am in the moment that I have created a fantastic fictional thriller. At times, it's a horror flick and other times I allow it to get so outrageous that it could be an award winning comedy. Regardless, my point is that when we allow our minds to start on that train of thought it often snowballs into a place that the fear of what "might" happen paralyzes us.

I share this because recently, for whatever reason, I've found myself much too often in the place of creating scenarios that may or may not ever happen. I remember being the midst of an extremely difficult place during my separation and calling a wise and dear friend. In a complete panic, I reeled off everything that I just KNEW was going to happen because of one decision that was made. In less than one minute, I must have exhausted her because she immediately interrupted me (and I remember because it is the ONLY time in 3 years that I ever remember her interrupting me) and said, "Laura - What do you know today?" I stopped and said, "What? What do you mean what do I know today?" She responded, "Just what I asked you. What do you know today?" So, I began to list what I knew in that moment about my circumstances. Anytime I attempted to throw in a "but, this..." she stopped me and said, "No- What do you know today?" After I finished listing what I KNEW about my circumstances in that moment, she said, "Ok. That is what you know today and that is all that you need to know today. God will reveal to you what you need to know tomorrow, well, tomorrow." WOW - Really? I don't know about you, but that is such a hard thing for me to grasp at times, because I am prideful enough to let Him know what I think I know on some things. (Ashamedly, too many things) Don't you love the fact that we can make God laugh?
As I have grown to better understand the character of my Shepherd, I have allowed those 5 words to settle into my soul. I now understand why my friend stopped me as quickly as she could from continuing to play out so many unknown scenarios. Because of the truth that she so tenderly spoke into my life that day, I have had the honor and privilege of speaking those exact words into the circumstances of others, providing the strength of knowing that God's got it. How awesome that we have a God who loves us so personally, that regardless of where we are in the moment, when we turn our thoughts to Him, He reveals to us just what we need to know it that moment, that circumstance or that day!?!? I don't know about you, but that is GOOD NEWS to me!

So, what do I know today? Today I know that I am healthy. Today I have 2 healthy children. I have a home, a job and a car. I don't know what God will reveal to me tomorrow as it relates to those or any other circumstances in my life, but for today I'm okay with what I know. More importantly, I know that no matter how crazy the story is that I concoct, my God is bigger. God has a better view than I. Re-focusing and remembering that allows me to rest in the truth that He reveals only what I need to know to get through each day and each circumstance as it arises. Also, I can rest assured, that my Lord, my Shepherd will not guide me any further than He intends in the moment.

If any of you, as you read this, are allowing your mind to race with the "what ifs" consider this my firm but loving and gentle interruption -- "Stop, sweet friend, and tell me what you know today."

Trust that God's got it and let Him take care of the details.

2 Corinthians 10:5 "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

God Can Win With Any Hand

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28


As you will see, I have overloaded this post with God's promises. As you read, I believe that you will understand why.

Yesterday I gave you a glimpse of the fears that paralyzed me for a good portion of my life and, I hope, provided some encouragement through what God has done in my life, to demolish those fears. Today, I will take all of that one step further.

As the title mentions, "God can win with any hand." A sweet friend of mine said that to me a few weeks ago and as I have allowed it to sink in, it continues to resonate with me daily as I reflect on my past and where God has brought me today. In my life, God wins. Each time I surrender (or trade in a card), He wins.

I'm not much of a poker player, even in the craze of Texas Hold 'em, but I do know that a poker hand consists of 5 cards. Depending on what cards are dealt we have a choice to keep our hand or trade in one or all cards.

Life with Christ is much like that, except that when we choose to keep the cards we often lose every time and give satan a very dangerous foothold. In my life, I've found that the cards I never wanted to trade in were the ones that caused shame, guilt and fear in my life. (Quite different from poker where we are quick to give up the "bad" cards!)

In order to be real and in an effort to share God's amazing love and power, I'll tip my hand:

1. Childhood Victimization
2. Eating Disorder
3. Abortion
4. Co-Dependency
5. Divorce

These are just a few of the things that created the fear that I shared yesterday. These are the things that held me captive in satan's playground. Satan taunted me; telling me that if others knew about those things that I would be ruined. He called me unworthy. He made me believe that even God couldn't love someone like me and He absolutely couldn't use someone like me. So, I held that hand as close to my chest as possible, refusing to trade out any cards. I believed the lies of satan and allowed those experiences to define who I was. That is, until I handed the first card to God. Wow! There was such a freedom in that! It was as if a major weight had been lifted. You would think that the freedom that came with handing Him the first card would cause me to throw the rest at His feet. Unfortunately, I handed God the one card that I believed to be least offensive. I thought that if I went with the worst, He would give up on me before I even got started and if I piled them on He would quickly tell me that I was a hopeless cause. So I continued to live teetering between freedom and fear.
I honestly don't know the day that I sat at His feet and began, one by one, to hand Him my cards. I just remember that as I shared each burden with him, God showered me with His grace and mercy, not only through His word, but through others who shared my experiences. It was like a healing balm for my scarred and broken heart. After quite some time, I realized one day that my load felt lighter, that He held all of the cards,and I was no longer racked with guilt because those events could not define me anymore. The word was out and satan no longer had his grip on me because God knew (even though He ALWAYS knew) and He still loved me. He still called me His child, He still called me beautiful! Instead, I was defined and am defined by Victory in Christ. He won! He wins! No matter what hand He holds, HE WINS!

I know that my hand may not resemble yours and I do not share my hand to do any more than show what God can do with it. As I've mentioned in many posts, I am nothing and no one without God and His tender mercy and grace. Most importantly, my life is nothing without His unfailing, unending love for me. He nailed every single card to the cross, long before I held it in my hand. He waits ever so patiently for us to hand Him our cards - not to punish us, but to allow Him to play the hand and win.

No matter what your cards read today, won't you go "all in?" It is so scary and it is painful and at times there will be backlash from the world, but I can promise you - based on what I know - that the freedom from holding onto shame, guilt and fear, is worth everything it takes to hand them over to the One who wins every time.


He said to her, "Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering." Mark 5:34

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:1

What's Fear Got to Do With It?

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:18


The first few times I read the above passage from scripture I didn't necessarily agree with it. I thought, "there is always fear." For close to 39 years, I lived in constant fear. Fear of failure, fear of rejection, fear of disappointing others, fear of trying - just flat out fear.

For knowing something so well, I have struggled all week with finding a way to share how those fears paralyzed me. I've struggled because I don't want my fears to be the focus. Instead, my goal is to encourage any of you who may be living a life rooted in fear that there is hope!

Here is what I know. I spent the majority of my life not saying or doing things for fear that someone wouldn't like it, or worse yet, like me. I wore a mask that could be changed depending on the group or situation I was in. So, in essence, because of fear I really had no idea who I was, what I liked, what I wanted in life because it shifted. Most often it shifted depending on the relationship I was in. I molded myself, my thoughts, my beliefs, even my personal style to fit what someone else defined for me. All of this because of fear. Fear that if anyone knew the "real" me they wouldn't like me. What I didn't realize is that fear cost me authentic friendships and relationships because no one ever knew what to expect from me.
All of my life I was living to please others when there was only one person that I needed to live for - Jesus Christ. He created me in perfect love. He created me to be the person that HE designed, not one fabricated in fear.

When I made the decision to begin a new life as a single mom, I couldn't have any fear. It was not an option. I knew that because of the purest form of love that I had for my children I had to take the step and out of that love I had to push aside any fear. At that point in my life I had to remove every mask and become real. Become authentic. Become the Laura that God created. In doing so, I was able to better love my friends, my family and my God. There was no fear because I knew that a lot of people wouldn't like or agree with my decisions anyway. I chose to live for an audience of One. It has taken a good two years, but out of my love for God and all that He has done in my life, I had to take the step outside of any fear and begin writing. Does that mean that every time I post something I don't feel a wave of fear that someone won't like it? Absolutely not - but because I am writing the words that HE inspires as a love offering to Him and not to seek the approval of others, I can push aside the fear that Satan plants, telling me that I am not worthy, that no one will care, or people will hate it, and replace it with the perfect love that comes from my Savior.
As I continue on this journey, I know that the fears will arise, but I know now that I have a choice. I can choose to live in that fear, or allow God's love to replace it and press on.

Is there a dream that the Lord has placed on your heart that you have not yet begun to explore because you are afraid? He doesn't place them haphazardly or without equipping us for His call. Replace the fear with the perfect love of Christ and go for it!

True Radiance

Psalm 34:4-5 "I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all of my fears. Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame."

Psalm 45:11 "The King is enthralled with your beauty, honor Him as your Lord."

I recently had the opportunity and blessing of spending the weekend with a group of friends from high school. What a joyful time to re-live our pasts... sort of. Much of the weekend we laughed and shared funny stories and at other times we cried and mourned the choices that we made that brought so much shame and guilt. Nonetheless, we loved one another through both and grew with one another at 40.

As I reflected on the many conversations I had, one word continued to come to mind. Freedom. There was such freedom in the weekend, not because we shared so much about our trials and tribulations but because each of us, at some point in these past 22 year, has sought the Lord, cried out to Him and allowed Him to deliver us from our fears. We have accepted, even if not wholeheartedly at times, that we are radiant when we turn to him. We are told in Psalm 45:11 that the King is ENTHRALLED with our beauty. That means that he thinks that we are beautiful when we're having a bad hair day, bad attitude day, and on our most beautiful days. No matter what, when we look to Him we are radiant and He is enthralled.

I don't know where any of you are today, but I encourage you to look in the mirror and remind yourself that no matter WHERE you are in your life that God loves you, He is in enthralled with you and when you look to Him that you are absolutely radiant.

I have struggled for the past few weeks with being overwhelmed and feeling like I am constantly going in 50 different directions, so what I share with you today, I find myself having to do as well. I don't feel radiant when I am absolutely exhausted, but today I choose to cry out to Him, turn to Him and let Him love me right where I am today.

Many Blessings & Much Love!!

The Funny Thing About Superheroes

Matthew 11:28-29 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

Super Heroes are not real. They are only in cartoons, even when we believe that we ourselves fall into that category. As a single mom, I have found that more often than not, I have a Super Hero complex. I never want anyone to feel sorry for me. I never want to feel like a victim. I never want to think that I can't do it all. I mean, really, I do everything that 2 people do every single day. Isn't that part of the job description of a Super Hero?

The funny thing about single moms who think that they are super heroes is that we have a hard time hearing from others that we are not and that we should not, nor do we have to be. There is a natural "fighting" instinct when it comes to our world and we think because we are the ones living it that no one else can possibly see or understand our plight. What I am coming to learn about being a Super Hero is that all it does is create exhaustion and invite chaos.

God is NOT a God of chaos. God is a God of order. You can go back to Genesis to see that He did not create the whole world in one day, and with each creation there was order. He built the Tabernacle so specifically that you could never question His ability to be the Great Engineer. He loves order. He loves for His children to rest in that - not run around like crazy people.

Have you ever had someone speak truth directly to your heart, yet put up your Super Hero shield to block it because as a Super Hero (Single) Mom we think we know best? Often we do not. We are living in the midst of chaos and cannot see beyond the craziness. Running kids from one side of town to the other, running errands, trying to get the grocery shopping done, visit friends and maintain some semblance of balance in our lives. Many times we do not like hearing it in the moment -- probably because it is so true and we know that it is going to cause us to make some changes and while change is good, it is not always easy. It's time for us to re-calibrate our world so that we don't live in the center of chaos.

I am reminded to thank people for loving me enough to remind me to slow down, to remove the "S" from my chest and to rest. I need that perspective when I start flying too high and tackling too many tall buildings alone. I need the loving perspective of those outside my circumstances who can see clearly and not just be my "yes men." There are times, I'm sure, that I want and need to hear someone agree with me but after doing so, I need to hear the truth. Those who share are often outside of the storm (not a bad storm - just life) and can see from a completely different perspective. I am thankful that my friends and family love me enough to always share that. I'm not sure if anyone else is this way, but I'll share a little inside secret about me... if I initially get a little snippy it means that I know what I'm being told is what I need to hear - I'm just not quite ready to remove my cape. More often than not, in situations like that, I will awaken the next day to see the truth and the love in their words. It is at that point that I can step back and rest in the arms of the ONLY Super Hero.

Reacting vs. Responding

I have spent a lot of this week in "reaction" mode. Just a little something that I have learned about that mode -- it's not a good or fun place to be! How often do we immediately react to a situation or a question from our kids without thinking through it? How often, when confronted with something that we really don't want to hear, do we immediately react and jump on the defensive?

I have spent all week pondering this and have tried to come up with something profound to say about the situation and it boils down to this:

Reacting, for me, is acting in my flesh - and in my sinful nature -- it's a knee jerk, often brutally honest but not thought through answer.

Responding, on the other hand, allows me time to process what has been presented. Even if I still don't agree with what has been said or is happening, I allow myself the time to respond in love - saving myself and another a lot of heartache.

Don't get me wrong. There are definitely times that we only have time to react - when we see someone in danger, etc. but when faced with challenges or information that may hit a little too close to home, I am learning to pray that the Lord will help me to RESPOND and not REACT.

During the time that I was trying to come up with something much more eloquent than these random thoughts thrown on paper, I decided to look to see how many times each word was used in the Bible. I found quite a few times that God and others responded in the Bible, but not once was there a time recorded that God reacted. How much different would our lives be if God reacted to us every time we stepped outside of His will for us? Thank goodness we do not have to know!! Praise Him for His enduring love and willingness to respond to us, even in the form of discipline, as opposed to reacting to our sometimes childish ways.

"A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire." Proverbs 15:1 (The Msg)

"And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him." Colossians 3:17

Are you in the Middle?

I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, 'They are my people,' and they will say, 'The LORD is our God.' " Zechariah 13:9


Based on everything I am reading right now, I feel like God is preparing me for some "firey trials" Do you ever feel that way? I keep reading devotions or excerpts from stories about how God refines us, purifies us through our trials. I'm not sure about you, but my first reaction is to resist them.

I relate those trials to something else that has seemed to repeat itself this week and that is, being in the middle. Seems like everyone I'm talking to right now is in the "middle" of something. What I've decided about the "middle" is that it is often a difficult place to be, if that is where we keep our focus.

I've spent much of the past two years in the "middle." It hasn't been until recently that I can appreciate that place and what God has done with me here. By being in the middle, as a single mom - not really single but not married, transitioning from one lifestyle to another and moving through seasons of life with my boys, I have had to trust God enough to know that He is working, even when I don't see or feel it and, often, when I don't understand His ways. Don't get me wrong, there have been many times that I've felt like I've been in the middle long enough and that God has somehow forgotten the desires of my heart so I've decided to forge ahead and get to the place that I want to be. What I have found is that often puts me right back on the other side, having to move back to middle until God calls me to move. And believe me, it is much more difficult the second time around! What I have learned about being in the middle, though, is that as tough as it can be, God is always working in order to prepare me for what HE has on the other side and God does nothing haphazardly. My job is to remain focused on Him and trust Him in that.

God has had to work extremely hard refining me - working out the fears that often paralyzed me, chipping away at the pride that kept me from seeing His best for me and healing the wounds that created strongholds in my life. I haven't always liked the process, but through it He is making me pure and making me in His image, allowing others to see His power and His glory in my life. I am not where I am today - happy, fulfilled, at peace - on my own. It is only through Him that I can stand on my own two feet and it is only through staying in the middle long enough for Him to work that I can move to the places He calls me.

Many of you are walking this journey today. I don't know what your "middle" is at this point but I urge you, sweet friends, to be still long enough, even when the fire feels too hot at your feet to allow Him to remove the impurities of fear, anxiety, pride, whatever stronghold it may be so that HE can shine brightly in you. I love you